Attempted student newspaper shenanigans

Going through some of my archives and writing projects today, and I found this humorous yet also inspirational piece that I tried submitting to the student newspaper at the high school I work for sometime back in December. It wasn't published, and I thought I'd share it here for a few laughs. Enjoy! 

Mr. Robertson now officially works here

No longer must wear embarrassing photo of himself on his chest every day; considering growing goatee at request of freshman boys

By Staff

Mr. Robertson, who started working at the high school back in October in a guest teacher capacity, has now been officially employed here as of earlier this month, the student newspaper has learned. Details of his employment contract were not disclosed by the school district, but when the paper’s reporters recently swarmed the kindly, pony-tailed businessman-turned-educator in the cafeteria to press him for more details as he was ordering his usual black coffee, he seemed to give some insight into his employment terms. “Let’s just put it this way. I’m thankful I genuinely love education and working with students, because I’ll be working a long, long time,” he said with a smile.

The paper’s investigative team also asked him about the photo of himself that he had to wear on his shirt each day while working here as a visiting educator.

Mr. Robertson’s driver’s license photo that appeared on his visitor badge each day. It appears Mr. Robertson got a splash of coffee on the badge on this particular day in December.

“Well, the photo comes right from your driver’s license when you check in at the office each day,” Mr. Robertson started to explain. He went on to add, “At first, I didn’t mind. But after a while, it felt like I was being punished or something. So I had one lousy hair day, and it just happened to be on the day I had to go down to the DMV to get my license renewed. So what? Don’t we all let our hair go occasionally? And so, for a while there, it felt like I was constantly being reminded about that one day.”

Mr. Robertson noted that, for some time, he took a little flak from a group of freshman boys about his now-famous wild hair day. “But then they started to turn their attention to the goatee I had at the time, and now they’re really encouraging me to grow it back,” said the currently clean-shaven, eccentric Ph.D. student. “They already think I’m cool, but they’re telling me how much cooler I’d be if I grew it back, so I’m giving it some serious thought.”

Asked if he had any advice for students, Mr. Robertson said, “Eat your vegetables, study hard, get your sleep, listen to your teachers and to administrators, and believe in yourself,” before adding, “And remember, all challenges and obstacles are only temporary. All of us adults have been through everything you’re thinking and experiencing, so believe me when I say, we know. We were your age at one time, too. We made it through, and so will you.”

For more school and life advice, even some homework help, check out Mr. Robertson’s new blog, “Mr. Robertson’s Corner,” at mrrobertsonscorner.blogspot.com.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Robertson. We’re happy to have you.